I'll miss you Mika...

Let folks know about the loss of a precious furball who has joined others over the Rainbow Bridge.
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stellia
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I'll miss you Mika...

Postby stellia » Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:46 pm

After all my little Mika has been through- surviving major eye surgery and then nursing her back to health after a tooth incident- I never thought it would be now that I'd have to come here to say my goodbyes to her. Everything is still so fresh in my memory- I can't get the horrible memories of her death to melt away with all my tears. It's so hard because EVERYTHING reminds me of her. There's not one thing she did not touch in my life, my travels, and my home. I've never been an emotional person until this happened- it was so quick and I have so many regrets and things I had planned for her that will now never come to be. I always thought of her being around forever... and at least give me more of a warning before the end. It was just so heart breaking and I just don't understand why she left me so suddenly. We went from thinking we could just nurse her back to health like we had always done before to just trying to do anything to save her.

It all began Sunday morning, May 30th, on a weekend... a holiday weekend- AGAIN (everytime she had something happen it was always on weekends) when her normal vet is closed. She was perfectly fine that night. I worked on Saturday till midnight, came home and she was riding on my husband's shoulder to come see me. I let her lick off some of my pomegranate applesauce from my finger that I had saved for her from my dinner. My husband said she had been a naughty girl that night... he saw her climb up the side of the stove for the first time (usually she does the usual door trim, etc) and get on the kitchen counter looking for "her" granola bars that we had to start storing out of the pantry because she was notorious for getting into them no matter how tight the boxes were sealed. We were keeping them on the counter because it was the one place she always stayed off of (until recently). He said she was playing wildly around the house all night while I was gone. Well we got our showers and when we got out my husband found Mika back on the counter but this time inside her baggy of black walnuts eating away. Apparently she chewed thru the baggy and got to them. We grabbed the camera because it was so funny watching her eat away like she did nothing wrong then poke her head out and give us that "what are you looking at??" look. Little did we know those would be the last pictures we'd have of her alive... it makes me sad to have to look at it now.

Mika had jumped in my robe while I was doing some last things on the computer before heading off to sleep. She still showed no signs anything was wrong. She always did that... it was her nightly ritual and her free ride to the bedroom where she made it a habit to sleep with us every night. I took her into bed around 3am where she dove under the covers to snuggle up next to my husband and we went to sleep. The next morning we awoke around 11am. But oddly, Mika was not cuddled up next to us like normal, she was huddled under the corner of his pillowcase. I went to pick her up and noticed she was not alert like normal. Her eyes were half shut and she didn't squirm. I thought here we go again with something new so we pulled out her vitamins and critical care food to give her to... thinking that it was going to be something where she could hold out to see her normal vet after the weekend. I let her rest, ate some breakfast and a little under 2 hours later decided to put her in my shirt for some company. I felt something wet and a weird smell and then noticed her tail was wet underneath. She had never had that before I went on here to try to see what to do for it... thinking maybe she had an upset stomach or ate something that didn't agree with her. My husband ran off to petsmart and the grocery store to pick up some pedialyte, yogurt and some meds that stated they would help. In the meantime, I was trying to disinfect her cage (thinking maybe something happened in it). She wasn't staying put where I put her away from the cage and was crawling slowly to odd spots around the room. My husband was only gone for maybe 20 or so minutes, but as he pulled out the meds and before I could even read the instructions or figure out what I needed to do, she was now lying on her side slowly breathing. At that point we knew we couldn't give her anything by mouth. I couldn't believe she went from crawling around to barely breathing within minutes. It all happened so fast and was surreal. I felt so useless but had to do something. I frantically tried finding an emergency number to her vet... but it wasn't in service (or I was dialing wrong). Then my husband put her in my hands so I could hold her while he tried to find any emergency vet number to call. They weren't answering so we decided just to drive anywhere with her to save her. I let my husband take her again so I could change over into some clothes but before I had the chance to grab anything, my husband stopped me and gave her back to me because he didn't think she had much time left. I held her curled up in my hands as she took her last breath. I just couldn't believe any of it was happening. It was just all a blur. We sat on the couch sobbing with her still in my hands. I still remember just staring at her body and petting her gently, looking for any signs of her still breathing. I just couldn't accept it. It wasn't till I felt her peaceful curled up body becoming stiff, I knew for sure it was over. We put her in her blanket and just held her for the longest time. From the time we notice her acting lethargic to the time of her death, it was just under 4 hours. And it wasn't till a little after the 2nd hour that it spiraled downhill so fast. I never really got to say goodbye because I was so busy trying to help her.

Then came the very tough discussion of what to do next. With all this time on the boards (more reading than posting), I thought a necropsy would help give me answers. But after going through everything, I was just too emotional to think about putting her in a baggy in a fridge and mailing her off somewhere (especially having to wait for everything to reopen after the holiday)- only to never get her back. We just wanted it to be over. We wanted her to have her peace. In the end, and as much as I wanted answers, we decided to do a burial at my husband's family's house as they have many burials from lost loved pets in their backyard. It wasn't till we returned home without her that everything really hit us even more. It's torture to walk around and know she's no longer there but to see the medications still unopened on the floor, the fresh water and cleaned cage still sitting with the door open, the unopened yogurt in the fridge and pedialyte on the counter and the opened vet phone numbers and these forums still on the computer... like time had stopped and she was gone forever. I just don't have the heart to move any of it yet. And to go to sleep and wake up and not hear her peep and poke out like a meerkat from under the covers. Or sit at the computer and not have her sneak attack us to get down our shirt. Or just being her adventurous, mischievous self. It's so silent now even though she was never noisy.

Now I regret everything that morning... wondering what I could've done different... wishing I had just stopped trying to fix her and just enjoy those last hours with her quietly in my shirt or close to me. To think the last thing she tasted was her nasty emergency food and maybe that made it worse... how I was trying to keep her away from me while cleaning the cage. And the time I spent trying to make phone calls. It was just precious time lost I'll never get back. On one hand I'm glad I was there with her for her last hours and she knew it... but at the same time, it's so sickening to know I couldn't save her. I still don't understand what happened. Did she get into something she never had before in the 2 years we've lived here? Did she ingest some of the baggy even though she's done that many times? Was something missed from the last time she was sick and lost a tooth a couple of months ago? Did her eye have anything to do with it after all this time? Had we woken up sooner or risked taking her to another vet from the very beginning would she still be alive? For such a small little animal she left a huge impact in just under the 7 years we had her. We thought of her as our human and she thought of us as her squirrel. She was such a special part of our family and it's going to be very hard to get through losing her. :love9:

We'll always love you Mika and even though we were torn apart so quickly, remember the adventures you enjoyed... the 4 states you've traveled to and the sunny stroll on the beach... all the hotel curtains you always insisted on climbing against our wishes... the many shopping excursions and car rides out... the holiday trips visiting family (and you were considered a grandchild)... all the people you befriended and enchanted...sleeping with us every night... stealing our food... giving us so much entertainment and joy. You did have a life not many squirrels have and we were so happy to be apart of it. You were one of a kind and will always be missed by everyone you've touched... especially your mommy and daddy :angel1:
::Stellia::
Proud mommy & HoF to our cuddlebug, Suki.
...
Loved by our angel, Mika.
"If Love Could Have Saved You You Would Have Lived Forever"
<3

Joan
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Re: I'll miss you Mika...

Postby Joan » Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:11 pm

I'm so sorry about your loss. They can go so quickly ... this is not unusual. You did nothing wrong. Just find some peace in knowing that she is waiting over the Rainbow Bridge with many, many beloved flyers and a couple of HOFs who are caring for them all.
"A lot of people spend time talking to the Animals, but not that many people listen. That's the real problem! ... Winnie the Pooh

violetlady
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Re: I'll miss you Mika...

Postby violetlady » Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:11 pm

:smt089 I am so so sorry for your loss. As you know, its better to have loved & lost than never to have loved at all. I hope you find your healing place soon.
HOF to Ziggy

Travis
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Re: I'll miss you Mika...

Postby Travis » Tue Jun 01, 2010 8:21 pm

.............................I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry, it's so hard to lose one. You did the right thing, trying to help Mika was the only thing to do, the fact that you missed a little time is not something you should blame your self for, the fact that you where there for Mika at the end makes the difference. You may never really get over this but you will have all the great memories and the pictures and of course she lives on in you as long as you remember her. Again I'm so very sorry the way you feel now will get better with time.

Sincerely Travis.
I'm sorry Taz, be at peace.

lucy10177
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Re: I'll miss you Mika...

Postby lucy10177 » Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:35 pm

wow i just don't know what to say except i'm so sorry for your loss....my tears fell for you as i read your post....may God be with you and help your heart heal [-o<
paula

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stellia
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Re: I'll miss you Mika...

Postby stellia » Thu Jun 03, 2010 6:05 pm

Thanks for all the supportive words (and for the beautiful poems,etc, on these boards). I really does help as much as I wish this whole thing was just a very bad dream. She was the sweetest little girl :(
::Stellia::
Proud mommy & HoF to our cuddlebug, Suki.
...
Loved by our angel, Mika.
"If Love Could Have Saved You You Would Have Lived Forever"
<3


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